Justus Birth Story: When The Midwife Gives Birth
In the beginning of my pregnancy I dedicated the experience and baby to the sacred and not the science. Myself, a midwife, now a third time pregnant, to stay out of my head and into trust.
At the end of a pregnancy, this is the hardest. We say this to our clients, “trust your body, trust your baby” and yet it seems harder when it’s your turn….especially when “in the name of science” and analyzing EVERYTHING doesn’t just stop running through a midwife’s head. #pregnantmidwife
Baby and I communicated back and forth often, him unsure of me and me unsure of him. This continued until finally we both decided, “okay, bring it on” and the perfect unison relationship pursued.
Around 6:50am on December 16th, 2020 a meteor fell and exploded bright in the northeastern Minnesota sky (described as a firework!). A sharp, familiar, very exciting contraction came! I texted Margo, my midwife, to let her know and encouraging her to go out her midwife scheduled day, and sent my husband off to work. No worries, I got this and the daylight will probably make things go away. “Could be a few days” I kept telling myself. I couldn’t help but be just as excited as any first time mom… I made big plans to nest and go about the day as normal, which did MOSTLY happen.
I lost the mucus plug, water started leaking all morning and afternoon, and sharp contractions continued (or “big waves” as my five and three year old daughters say). No biggie. Early labor. Pattern pursues of around 10-20 minutes apart. I reassured my team, including my daughters present, that it could be awhile. I stuffed my face with food and electrolytes throughout the day and continued as normal. I even had friends texting me who had no idea I was in labor. I felt very “with it” and “present”, so I still insisted true labor land was a ways away.
I started timing contractions consistently from 2pm till the end. Active labor maybe started around 3:30-4:30pm with a couple of phone calls back and forth with my husband. “Okay, maybe you should come home now.” “No, never mind, not close enough together yet.” “Okay, maybe they are getting really intense.” “No, don’t worry about it, come home when you’re done.” Contractions were consistent 3-6 minutes apart, but still not seeming like the real deal! I was still doing normal, hanging with my children, making dinner, some laundry, etc.
I made a roast chicken, potato medley, and broccoli for dinner. Keith came home and I stuffed my face with dinner as fast as I could, both of us thinking this could go on all night. Around 6pm I really needed to go upstairs. Labor vocals really kicked in as I hung off the bed. I felt like I needed a bath, as the pressure on my pelvic floor needed rest. I started making it myself (epsom salt and essential oils), and my husband comes running up “you don’t have to do that yourself! Here let me help!” My response was confusion and “no, I can do this.” Looking back I think it’s just what midwives do at any birth in any state of consciousness…we make baths! Even though I was the one in labor, it was like being at any other birth as a midwife!
I texted Margo, my midwife and mentor, that she and the apprentice could come “hang out” at 6:08pm, and that it “hurts”. Rookie mistake. Midwives never know where a client is at in labor when they text encrypted messages! I have no idea what I was thinking! We called Margo at 6:40pm and Keith and I reassured her it was maybe early(?) yet. She mentioned putting her baby to bed and being on her way. I couldn’t talk on the phone (insert intense contractions here), so having Keith on the phone is a big clue that I’m in full force labor, but understand I am still full on DENYING the fact that active labor is happening! I also tried to check my own dilation while in the tub and on the phone (trying to be helpful with more information for Margo). I’m pretty sure I accidentally pulled my cervix forward a little bit…because after that the next contractions were VERY intense.
7:00pm-ish Margo is on her way. At 7:12pm I texted “okay, I think it’s happening fast.” (I attempted to send her that text twice before I actually could do it). We both knew at this point she was going to miss it… birth energy and midwife thoughts travels fast in these scenarios.
In this time frame I had drained the tub, thought about moving to my room where Keith had set it all up and beautiful, but decided to stay in the empty tub so all the “birth funk” could drain and be cleaned easily (yes, again the midwife brain knows these things). I started madly and very animalistic “nesting”, grabbing towels to line the tub to be comfortable and feeling safe with a softer landing.
My involuntary pushing started at 7:15pm. I yelled for Keith downstairs who was making cookies with my girls (you could smell the molasses from upstairs!). “You better start taking a videooooooo!” is all I could manage to say (the vowel “oh” feels so good when 10cm…). My girls and Keith sit by quietly observing while pushing seems to be nonstop…the fetal ejection reflux commences.
In the birth video, you will notice my very hormonal higher pitch sounds as baby is in the canal…then panting when he was crowning. I used my own fingers to check internally that all was well… I did feel the cord wrapped around a hand right by his head, and wanted to make the next pushes worth it. My body jerks as his head is born, hand and cord still by his side. My daughters began shrieking with joy and announcing the head is out (they have seen well over 50 videos of this scene, future midwives in the making!). Keith did not realize it was happening yet and reassured them it’s more poop…but my girls knew more than that. Once he moved the camera phone, SURPRISE, it is definitely a beautiful baby head. “Yes, it’s out Keith” I say as I’m assessing the larger size of this head…and thinking “these shoulders gotta be huge too.” The very common phrase, “who’s touching, no touching” is baby beginning to rotate and possibly moving his arm down by his side…was quite a weird, normal feeling! The next push started and I very gently guided baby’s shoulders and body into my husbands hand (yes, one handed, as his other hand was very expertly angling the phone camera on the scene, haha!).
Baby born 7:26pm. It’s a BOY (I thought girl this pregnancy, my intuition was wrong)!
I could genuinely feel 4-5 pushes of baby rounding the sacrum and pubic bone, it was the best feeling and knowing exactly where and what was happening! I want to educate more women to love this KNOWING and FEELING as well! You do not need to be a midwife to tap into this.
My three year old fell of the toilet and and hit her head on the bath tub, so that’s part of that excitement in the video. My favorite part is my five year old daughter’s commentary at the end. Perfectly beautiful in every way. Cannot wait to bring these girls to births soon. We’ll work on the quiet observing part.
The placenta was already sitting in what “felt like my butt” around 5 minutes after birth...a small separation gush of blood told me it was more than ready and cord was white and done pulsing. Keith called Margo to let her know, and we find out she’s 10 minutes away. Keith got the hemostat for me as I was very ready to birth the placenta and I love the control a hemostat offers me. Placenta slid right out! My girls were anticipating and very excited about the placenta…oh I love their excitement over placentas so much! Like mother like daughters.
And all the things I’d like to communicate, not just the story... is the living, believing, trusting, and wonder of what a body is designed and capable of doing. This birth was just so NORMAL for my family… an event, experience, and now memory that will never be forgotten and ingrained in our DNA. We are so thankful. So happy my daughters were there to witness and experience the joys of birth, in such a simple and beautiful way. Yes, I train for this, yes I scream high pitch and it could sound like fear (but it’s quite the opposite!! The best rollar coaster ride of my life!), yes it’s my third time, and YES this baby is my biggest weighing in at 9lb 6oz (absolutely is my best birth so far too! He knew what he was doing)... and YES I said yes to all of it.
I truly believe it came down to WANTING it, CHOOSING it, ENVISIONING it, COMMUNICATING it, and DETERMINING it.
“Thank you Justus Darian Craig, and thank you beautiful birthing body. Big babies are better and deserve big names. ”
To listen to the podcast story recorded with Margo on Well, Actually… click here!
